took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
