I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
