just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Randomize
