i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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