I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
