The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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