I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
