He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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