Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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