it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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