I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
