as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
