she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
