Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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