I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
