You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
