How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
