I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
