He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
