That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
