I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
