You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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