i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
