Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Rumble strips road head = magical
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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