I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize