i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize