I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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