nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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