it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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