Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
