Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
