Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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