Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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