I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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