Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
