So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
