Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
