so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize