Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
