He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
