when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
whose parrot is this?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
