she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
