I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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