I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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