Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
