He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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