Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
