I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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