this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
