smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
ok first of all what the fuck
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
