when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
