haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
