I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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