We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
