The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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