What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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