worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
