I heard we made out
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
