Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
