i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
how drunk are you?
Several
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
