I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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