I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
