yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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