Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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