How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
