You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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