does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
