Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
