Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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