I'm so fucking centered right now
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
