Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
