i was born a porn star she said
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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